Friday, January 18, 2008
27 Dresses and I thought 15 would be enough...
For most you who know me, you are thinking of course the fashionista would cry about having to wear 27 ugly dresses. After all she can feel the movie heroine's pain, because she, herself has worn 15 dresses as flower girl, junior bridesmaid, bridesmaid and well even as the well-intentioned but tragically "married to the wrong man" bride. And while I do admit that I am so deeply superficial that having to wear an ugly dress will set onto a crying jag that usually can only be calmed with mass amounts of champagne. (Hey there future brides invest in quality champagne for your bridesmaid after all in the morning you wake up to the radiant smile of your soul mate while she awakes hoping she can gnaw off her own hand rather than wake the smarmy groomsman, wedding band member, groom's sociopath cousin or whom ever she ended up shagging in a cheap motel room because in the tawdry bridesmaid dress she could not meet any quality men.) Katherine Heigel plays a woman who is always taking care of someone and finally she finds someone who wants to take care of her. That is what made me cry, not that she got the guy or her dream wedding - Heavens knows I have had enough of both. It was the fact that here was a really nice woman who had put so much energy into caring for everyone who crossed her path, that she did not even have time to care for herself. It stings when you recognize yourself up on the big screen. Somehow it's easy to hide behind the care taking rather than risk being the person you want. It's so much easier to be the woman that everyone expects you to be, which in my case is taking care of them. Gosh, I even married twice to men on the fact alone that they needed me to take care of them and well, that really never works out because it's like being married to the Dead Sea. You keep pouring yourself into it but it never pours back it just takes what you give and turns it into salt. Both parties end up getting quite resentful and bitter because the marriage was just based upon my thinking if I cared for him enough he would end up living up to his potential. Which is really quite sad that I have only married imagined potential not the real man. Being taken care of - how I have dreamed of those words. To have a man who would not expect me to drive to work with a fractured femur, or to paint and furnish the entire house while he is getting liquored up with his buddies. What a dream to have a man who would plan a vacation for us and actually pay for it. Someone who would offer to wash my car or fill my gas tank. I wonder if it is just Hollywood fiction or does this man exist. Maybe it does take 27 dresses to meet the man of your dreams. I am just too old and fat to make a cute bridesmaid anymore so maybe I can be the cake server or the punch pourer in the next wedding. Until the day when I put on my next ugly dress... peace and greens
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Leaving...
Why did I leave - I thought I could have it all - the great career, great marriage, happy husband and child. I was afraid if I did not take that opportunity in California that I would never get another shot at such a great career opportunity. I begged Todd to come with me - I truly thought he would come. Then he told me how unstable I was and how he couldn't make that move for me. Then my decision became based on anger. I would "show him". I was so wrong to do that...from the moment I got to California, I wanted my family with me.
Todd doesn't believe that I wanted him and missed him, but then again, he never bothered to find out - so many people could tell him - how much I missed him and how I wanted us to be together. Todd never wants to know anything different from his truth. In his world I am a pretty terrible person - too fat, too stupid, bad with money, too ugly, too lazy, too unstable and according to what he told his attorney bi-polar on top of it all. The sad part of this is that I never wanted Todd to change only to be nice to me and to love me.
Looking at Todd's family, I realize that he gave me the best that he could give me. He was not given love freely instead he was used as the whipping boy by his father and the protector by his mother. I wonder if he ever had the carefree moments of youth, knowing the safe haven of parental love without strings attached and insults constantly hurled at him. Todd was built to survive and shouldered the responsibility of his mother's survival, too much for a little boy. How could he see anything good in me with the world upon his shoulders?
I've learned over the years that Todd is right - always right...he saw right through me to the terrible person that I am. How else could a person abandon their family? But I always thought he would come to me in California or ask me to come back - he never did either. I never learned how to play by his rules - if I would have done it differently we could have worked out our marriage. I guess I lost my playbook somewhere along the way - I don't even remember getting one on our wedding day. I have begged for a second chance, but I don't deserve one - I am a pretty bad person so much so that Todd told me that he doesn't need me and Natalie doesn't need me. Todd even checked with the experts on this.
So, I found out too late that my family was the most important thing in my life and if I can't have it all then I need Todd and Natalie above everything. But it's too late - Todd says it's dead and that I killed it. I told him I changed but he says people never change - and he doesn't want to find out because of what a terrible person I truly am. He wants life without me. 7 years of dedication to him and my marriage cancelled out by 5 months. Five months of grief and panic fueling bad decisions that he can't forget.
He deserved better, his childhood was not idyllic so he deserved better from me. I saw inside of him and knew I should be gentle and kind but I was just not strong enough to not need the same from him. He keeps his heart in a safe place and his trust is tentative, I knew all of this but I still put myself before him. Now he will be safe from me - he has moved on.
I hope he learns one day to be forgiving, that people learn from their mistakes and that a second chance can be a beautiful thing...I have always loved him so deeply and I never meant to hurt him. But he has what he ultimately wanted: life without me - maybe he will find that perfection out in the world - the person who found my lost playbook and knows all of the rules. 7 years gone due to my stupid stupid pride and anger. At least Todd still has his pride and his righteous to wear around his heart as a big shield. I am humbled and lost without him and because of him.
His world will be much better without me...
Todd doesn't believe that I wanted him and missed him, but then again, he never bothered to find out - so many people could tell him - how much I missed him and how I wanted us to be together. Todd never wants to know anything different from his truth. In his world I am a pretty terrible person - too fat, too stupid, bad with money, too ugly, too lazy, too unstable and according to what he told his attorney bi-polar on top of it all. The sad part of this is that I never wanted Todd to change only to be nice to me and to love me.
Looking at Todd's family, I realize that he gave me the best that he could give me. He was not given love freely instead he was used as the whipping boy by his father and the protector by his mother. I wonder if he ever had the carefree moments of youth, knowing the safe haven of parental love without strings attached and insults constantly hurled at him. Todd was built to survive and shouldered the responsibility of his mother's survival, too much for a little boy. How could he see anything good in me with the world upon his shoulders?
I've learned over the years that Todd is right - always right...he saw right through me to the terrible person that I am. How else could a person abandon their family? But I always thought he would come to me in California or ask me to come back - he never did either. I never learned how to play by his rules - if I would have done it differently we could have worked out our marriage. I guess I lost my playbook somewhere along the way - I don't even remember getting one on our wedding day. I have begged for a second chance, but I don't deserve one - I am a pretty bad person so much so that Todd told me that he doesn't need me and Natalie doesn't need me. Todd even checked with the experts on this.
So, I found out too late that my family was the most important thing in my life and if I can't have it all then I need Todd and Natalie above everything. But it's too late - Todd says it's dead and that I killed it. I told him I changed but he says people never change - and he doesn't want to find out because of what a terrible person I truly am. He wants life without me. 7 years of dedication to him and my marriage cancelled out by 5 months. Five months of grief and panic fueling bad decisions that he can't forget.
He deserved better, his childhood was not idyllic so he deserved better from me. I saw inside of him and knew I should be gentle and kind but I was just not strong enough to not need the same from him. He keeps his heart in a safe place and his trust is tentative, I knew all of this but I still put myself before him. Now he will be safe from me - he has moved on.
I hope he learns one day to be forgiving, that people learn from their mistakes and that a second chance can be a beautiful thing...I have always loved him so deeply and I never meant to hurt him. But he has what he ultimately wanted: life without me - maybe he will find that perfection out in the world - the person who found my lost playbook and knows all of the rules. 7 years gone due to my stupid stupid pride and anger. At least Todd still has his pride and his righteous to wear around his heart as a big shield. I am humbled and lost without him and because of him.
His world will be much better without me...
Monday, October 22, 2007
This Deep Pit ain't no BBQ Pit!
Deep, dark, smooth walls and no way to climb out...that's the pit that I got myself into with my petty decisions and inability to be a good partner to my husband. Why can't he forgive me? Doesn't he know that my life began with him? How do you tell someone you don't know how to live without him? What does it take for redemption? I just keep sliding deeper and deeper into a void where there is nothing but emptiness. My heart has broken into 2 pieces that have sharp jagged edges that cut, cut and cut me inside. There is no light here - he holds the only brightness and I ruined it with my selfishness.
Marriage and family are the only things that really matter in this life and now mine is fading away. Where is the forgiveness when I stand humbled before him begging for a second chance for us and for our baby girl. There is so much love that we share and the beautiful little girl we created from our love deserves us to be better than two parents that cannot rise above the mistakes that happen in a marriage.
In this deep dark pit waiting for that second chance in the arms of my soulmate. Endlessness is where I spend all of my time yearning for his touch, how could I have let it all slip away. Why did I put my pride before his needs. Consequences for my actions is what he says but what about all of the actions that have been filled with love for him. I need him and I love him - there is no meaning without him. I need our family to be together - it is the love that saves me and gives me the joy of life. The pit gets deeper and deeper...
Why can't I be allowed mistakes with him? People do make mistakes and learn from their mistakes. I have found out that it's not a job or money that fulfills me - it is the love that I get from my husband and my family. I always wanted him with me - I always wanted him to come with me, be with me, live with me, stay with me. Now I am in the a place where there is no way out
Marriage and family are the only things that really matter in this life and now mine is fading away. Where is the forgiveness when I stand humbled before him begging for a second chance for us and for our baby girl. There is so much love that we share and the beautiful little girl we created from our love deserves us to be better than two parents that cannot rise above the mistakes that happen in a marriage.
In this deep dark pit waiting for that second chance in the arms of my soulmate. Endlessness is where I spend all of my time yearning for his touch, how could I have let it all slip away. Why did I put my pride before his needs. Consequences for my actions is what he says but what about all of the actions that have been filled with love for him. I need him and I love him - there is no meaning without him. I need our family to be together - it is the love that saves me and gives me the joy of life. The pit gets deeper and deeper...
Why can't I be allowed mistakes with him? People do make mistakes and learn from their mistakes. I have found out that it's not a job or money that fulfills me - it is the love that I get from my husband and my family. I always wanted him with me - I always wanted him to come with me, be with me, live with me, stay with me. Now I am in the a place where there is no way out
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
letter to my soul mate
how did we get from soul mate to this place where I stand before you humbled that I hurt your heart because of my own decision fueled by anger and jealousy. All I have ever wanted was to be your partner, lover, wife and mother of our child - but I needed too much from you - needed more emotion and affirmation - well you know the story - you have been there by my side and in my heart through it all.
How can I make you understand that I did not abandon you and Natalie - I did beg you to come to Cali - I found recruiters for you and asked you to join me there. I can't even count how many nights I cried to Carolyn Huff about loving you and trying to figure out how to make this all work for both of us. You are the single most important person in my life, I love you and love is a really good foundation for marriage besides we connect physically in such a spiritual way that surely God put us together to glorify His love. And I trust you with my heart, my life and my baby because I know that the love will always be your guidepost. You, yourself have said how rare it is to find love and we should really build on it.
I really want us to try to make this work between us - this year has really been hard but I have learned a lot about the importance of love and know without a doubt you are the only man for me. The last time we made love was so beautiful the way our souls connect and we let all of our troubles fall away so it is just us and our love - there is no way that I would ever blemish that special connection we share. I know that you are skeptical of me but I do think we have more to gain by working on our relationship than we do by putting it asunder.
We are two smart broken people who carry the weight of so many others that we are often to exhausted to give to each other. Duluth is a hard place for me especially now that I know for sure that I have seasonal affective disorder but I can get on a drug and tough it out if that is one of the steps to working on our marriage - I want us to connect again to be the lovers that we are great at being and for us to find the spots that bring us together - we promised each other that we would work through the middle - well here we are in the middle of a whole lotta shinola and I know we can get through this
Natalie is so happy to have us together as a family under one roof. She just keeps telling me how happy she is that we are getting along - let's give our precious daughter a gift that our parents never gave us. Two loving parents that have put away their own selfish needs in order to connect, forgive and love each other and show her what we never saw in our own family. We can break the legacy that we were given for Natalie to have a better future she needs us together as loving happy parents.
I'll stay in Duluth but I want us to stay together and work on us - no more outside commitments - we can use the money I got from Jeff's deal with me to subsidize our income and I will get a part-time job that will allow me to take Natalie to school and pick her up and still give me time to take care of our house and work-out. If we need to sell our house then I won't argue with you about it we can downsize, I won't focus on a career because you and Natalie are the most important component of my life and I really want to get it right for all of us.
I love you Todd and you say you love me and that even when you tried dating it wasn't right because it wasn't us. I really believe that we belong together and that we can get through this middle and onto a better place. My heart is yours - faithful and true to only you - my life is with you, please don't let this slip away. You are The One - the only one.
How can I make you understand that I did not abandon you and Natalie - I did beg you to come to Cali - I found recruiters for you and asked you to join me there. I can't even count how many nights I cried to Carolyn Huff about loving you and trying to figure out how to make this all work for both of us. You are the single most important person in my life, I love you and love is a really good foundation for marriage besides we connect physically in such a spiritual way that surely God put us together to glorify His love. And I trust you with my heart, my life and my baby because I know that the love will always be your guidepost. You, yourself have said how rare it is to find love and we should really build on it.
I really want us to try to make this work between us - this year has really been hard but I have learned a lot about the importance of love and know without a doubt you are the only man for me. The last time we made love was so beautiful the way our souls connect and we let all of our troubles fall away so it is just us and our love - there is no way that I would ever blemish that special connection we share. I know that you are skeptical of me but I do think we have more to gain by working on our relationship than we do by putting it asunder.
We are two smart broken people who carry the weight of so many others that we are often to exhausted to give to each other. Duluth is a hard place for me especially now that I know for sure that I have seasonal affective disorder but I can get on a drug and tough it out if that is one of the steps to working on our marriage - I want us to connect again to be the lovers that we are great at being and for us to find the spots that bring us together - we promised each other that we would work through the middle - well here we are in the middle of a whole lotta shinola and I know we can get through this
Natalie is so happy to have us together as a family under one roof. She just keeps telling me how happy she is that we are getting along - let's give our precious daughter a gift that our parents never gave us. Two loving parents that have put away their own selfish needs in order to connect, forgive and love each other and show her what we never saw in our own family. We can break the legacy that we were given for Natalie to have a better future she needs us together as loving happy parents.
I'll stay in Duluth but I want us to stay together and work on us - no more outside commitments - we can use the money I got from Jeff's deal with me to subsidize our income and I will get a part-time job that will allow me to take Natalie to school and pick her up and still give me time to take care of our house and work-out. If we need to sell our house then I won't argue with you about it we can downsize, I won't focus on a career because you and Natalie are the most important component of my life and I really want to get it right for all of us.
I love you Todd and you say you love me and that even when you tried dating it wasn't right because it wasn't us. I really believe that we belong together and that we can get through this middle and onto a better place. My heart is yours - faithful and true to only you - my life is with you, please don't let this slip away. You are The One - the only one.
False eyelashes really do open your eyes!!!
Who was the jacked up ninny that said life will get easier as you get older. I say bullhockey to that bald faced liar. This year has been the most confusing thus far - and I have to admit it has made me get some much needed perspective in my selfish little life. I have journeyed to find that my little family of three (Todd, Natalie and me) is a fragile and precious gift that needs to be tended to with a lot of love and respect.
First the love part - how is it that we manage to love and forgive so many people in our lives but we don't ever give our life partners that same courtesy. Are we so brainwashed by the prince and princess charming stories we were reared on that we can only love our partner if they remain unblemished and mistake-free?
Our parents spend their time making sure that they instill us with enough neurosis, craziness and paranoia to keep the psychology business thriving. (some should call Heraldo Rivera and get him to do an expose on the back rooms deals that parents make with psychiatrists. I believe they must go something like this - Parent: "hey little Mikey needs tuition money for Yale," Shrink: "I need more patients that are obsessive compulsive so make Mikey count his cheerios in his bowl every morning and if he doesn't have 22 exactly then tell him monsters under his bed will eat him. Get him whacked and the tuition money will be deposited in an unmarked account" - it happens all over this country believe me some parents will go to any length to get the ivy league for junior or sissy)
Yet we always forgive them and if you haven't you should because they did provide the necessary science to bring you this far. And face it, they really love you in their own demented style of love no matter how much they probed your mind for places to attack and dominate you.
Our friends really can test our capacity to forgive and forget. How many stories have I heard of girlfriends stepping out with their best friends guy. Or your friend dogged you all over town because your hair got fried when you went cheap at Cost Cutters. Some how we get back together laugh over it all with a few glasses of wine or beer (for those of you in a 12 step program please refrain from the alcohol and substitute with nicotine and caffeine)
Love Johnson style is a bit of a sticky wicket. My prince (and as sicky sweet as it sounds he truly is my prince) would make a great Clearasil cleaner model - he's handsome, athletic and well I have battled with this one a bit - he's so darn perfect on the outside that is has always intimidated me - the princess of f"d upville. I mean really shouldn't there be a law against some one being so superior in so many ways - well, maybe he is not that perfect it's just that I love and admire him so deeply. But no matter how much I love him - I still make terrible decisions. Decisions that hurt him, disrespect him, and are just plain slap-ass stupid. So I need his forgiveness a lot. I worry that being perfect makes it difficult for him to realize that I am not and that I think and act different than he does because my journey is a bit more haphazard than the perfectly straight and narrow that he subscribes to for his journey.
Love and forgiveness, and a big mess of it is what keeps the precious and fragile important relationships going and growing. I just wish I could get a break on the growing part, being a spoiled dilettante has to have some type of merit - surely being spoiled and useless allows those closest to you to feel their own self worth taking care of all of your minutia.
This journey has taken me across the country and back has been filled with tears and false eyelashes (that way sugah your mascara won't run all over your pretty little face.) You may have to grow up but at least make sure you are looking your best while undertaking such a difficult and uncomfortable position. I admit false eyelashes helped me see the light of love and forgiveness. Now let's hope I haven't extinguished it with all of my running away from life and love - Prince Perfect I want to be his perfect princess of f'd-upville, I'm getting on my broke-back mule (trying to shove stilettos in the stirrups and tight jeans on a hard saddle) and I will probably slip and fall off again and again maybe he will save me from myself and let me save him a little bit too.
Peace and greens
debilicious
First the love part - how is it that we manage to love and forgive so many people in our lives but we don't ever give our life partners that same courtesy. Are we so brainwashed by the prince and princess charming stories we were reared on that we can only love our partner if they remain unblemished and mistake-free?
Our parents spend their time making sure that they instill us with enough neurosis, craziness and paranoia to keep the psychology business thriving. (some should call Heraldo Rivera and get him to do an expose on the back rooms deals that parents make with psychiatrists. I believe they must go something like this - Parent: "hey little Mikey needs tuition money for Yale," Shrink: "I need more patients that are obsessive compulsive so make Mikey count his cheerios in his bowl every morning and if he doesn't have 22 exactly then tell him monsters under his bed will eat him. Get him whacked and the tuition money will be deposited in an unmarked account" - it happens all over this country believe me some parents will go to any length to get the ivy league for junior or sissy)
Yet we always forgive them and if you haven't you should because they did provide the necessary science to bring you this far. And face it, they really love you in their own demented style of love no matter how much they probed your mind for places to attack and dominate you.
Our friends really can test our capacity to forgive and forget. How many stories have I heard of girlfriends stepping out with their best friends guy. Or your friend dogged you all over town because your hair got fried when you went cheap at Cost Cutters. Some how we get back together laugh over it all with a few glasses of wine or beer (for those of you in a 12 step program please refrain from the alcohol and substitute with nicotine and caffeine)
Love Johnson style is a bit of a sticky wicket. My prince (and as sicky sweet as it sounds he truly is my prince) would make a great Clearasil cleaner model - he's handsome, athletic and well I have battled with this one a bit - he's so darn perfect on the outside that is has always intimidated me - the princess of f"d upville. I mean really shouldn't there be a law against some one being so superior in so many ways - well, maybe he is not that perfect it's just that I love and admire him so deeply. But no matter how much I love him - I still make terrible decisions. Decisions that hurt him, disrespect him, and are just plain slap-ass stupid. So I need his forgiveness a lot. I worry that being perfect makes it difficult for him to realize that I am not and that I think and act different than he does because my journey is a bit more haphazard than the perfectly straight and narrow that he subscribes to for his journey.
Love and forgiveness, and a big mess of it is what keeps the precious and fragile important relationships going and growing. I just wish I could get a break on the growing part, being a spoiled dilettante has to have some type of merit - surely being spoiled and useless allows those closest to you to feel their own self worth taking care of all of your minutia.
This journey has taken me across the country and back has been filled with tears and false eyelashes (that way sugah your mascara won't run all over your pretty little face.) You may have to grow up but at least make sure you are looking your best while undertaking such a difficult and uncomfortable position. I admit false eyelashes helped me see the light of love and forgiveness. Now let's hope I haven't extinguished it with all of my running away from life and love - Prince Perfect I want to be his perfect princess of f'd-upville, I'm getting on my broke-back mule (trying to shove stilettos in the stirrups and tight jeans on a hard saddle) and I will probably slip and fall off again and again maybe he will save me from myself and let me save him a little bit too.
Peace and greens
debilicious
Friday, June 15, 2007
Thursday 13 - Numero Dos
13 Great Things about my life today:
Wow, I just came up to my room in Lost Wages where I have been doing business this week. And I realized how darn lucky I am. I love the strip because it is such an amazing parade of people from all of walks of life - you can walk a block and see Asians, Russians (I think quite a few may be mail-ordered brides) strippers and well-heeled femme fatales. It just makes me so happy to realize how wonderful life is to be filled with so much diversity. Here is my personal list of happiness:
1. Natalie - wise, wonderful and worldly at 5
2. My Granny - may she rest in peace with her red white and blue jello shots!
3. Alice - she has the power of bleach to put her on the best dressed list
4. My brother Michael and sister Gwen - The Captain Tenille were right Love will Keep Us Together - especially the Muskrat Love!!!!
5. Nicki - the best most beautiful friend a gal can have - she is a role model for all times and I hope that I can be the mother that she is to her children
6. My wonderful job - it is so much fun to work in a field where I get to laugh and have fun everyday with generous, intelligent, compassionate people.
7. Wink the one eyed wonder dog he is a jacked up buck toothed bundle of joy!
8. Michelle the Scandinavian Party Gal - she makes life more fun with her intelligent warped take on all things in life.
9. Justin Paul - he must be shear genius with his ability to make my hair look so shiny and healthy
10. 7.5 finger Eddy - a genius behind the camera and the best ex-husband a gal can have
11. Girlfriends - amazing smart women who inspire and love me
12. The Sunshine after the long cold days of Minnesota - California sun is perfect for me
13. God - he blesses me everyday in so many ways and gave me a wonderful family
number 14 is my own personal addition: my rock, my soulmate bringing me reality if I want it or not - how can I get you out here with me?
peace and greens
debalicious
Wow, I just came up to my room in Lost Wages where I have been doing business this week. And I realized how darn lucky I am. I love the strip because it is such an amazing parade of people from all of walks of life - you can walk a block and see Asians, Russians (I think quite a few may be mail-ordered brides) strippers and well-heeled femme fatales. It just makes me so happy to realize how wonderful life is to be filled with so much diversity. Here is my personal list of happiness:
1. Natalie - wise, wonderful and worldly at 5
2. My Granny - may she rest in peace with her red white and blue jello shots!
3. Alice - she has the power of bleach to put her on the best dressed list
4. My brother Michael and sister Gwen - The Captain Tenille were right Love will Keep Us Together - especially the Muskrat Love!!!!
5. Nicki - the best most beautiful friend a gal can have - she is a role model for all times and I hope that I can be the mother that she is to her children
6. My wonderful job - it is so much fun to work in a field where I get to laugh and have fun everyday with generous, intelligent, compassionate people.
7. Wink the one eyed wonder dog he is a jacked up buck toothed bundle of joy!
8. Michelle the Scandinavian Party Gal - she makes life more fun with her intelligent warped take on all things in life.
9. Justin Paul - he must be shear genius with his ability to make my hair look so shiny and healthy
10. 7.5 finger Eddy - a genius behind the camera and the best ex-husband a gal can have
11. Girlfriends - amazing smart women who inspire and love me
12. The Sunshine after the long cold days of Minnesota - California sun is perfect for me
13. God - he blesses me everyday in so many ways and gave me a wonderful family
number 14 is my own personal addition: my rock, my soulmate bringing me reality if I want it or not - how can I get you out here with me?
peace and greens
debalicious
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Thirteen Thursday #1
Here is my first attempt at 13 Thursday....
13 Things That I Love About My Daughter
PEACE and Greens
Debalicious
13 Things That I Love About My Daughter
- The stork bite on the back of her neck that she has had since birth. I love the way her blond baby hair still curls around that small red "bite" reminding me of how she was carried into my life on the wings of God
- The perfect little fingernails on her ten fingers - now that she is a big 5 year old girl her nails are polished a variety of lacquers
- Her beautiful blue peepers - The storm of emotion that can pass through them and become sunshine in mere moments
- The perfect bow of her lips that curl into an easy smile
- Her long beautiful strong legs that run, jump and dance through each day and look so great in go-go boots!
- The way she purrs when she snuggles with me like a sweet little kitten
- Her deep compassion for the sick and needy of the world
- The unwavering faith that she has in God
- She tells me "actually, Mommy" with so much confidence
- The soft pads of her palms when she enfolds her hand within mine
- The thirst she has for science and geography - she wants to travel the world!
- Her ability to always stop and smell the roses
- When she says "Mommy, I love you" I know that I have reached a utopia in my heart - how I love my precious girl
PEACE and Greens
Debalicious
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